It's The Unknown that Stresses Me

For me and, I think, a lot of people, it really is the unknown which is the most worrisome about life. It is what causes most of the stress and anxiety. We don’t know what will happen. We don’t know if we’ll find a job. We don’t know if we’ll like the job we find. We don’t know if that person is a jerk. We don’t know if we can pay the rent. We don’t know if there will be an unexpected increase to the rent. We just simply don’t know. This is something that I struggle with. I struggle with it less now than I did but still I do. 

My thoughts were, if only I knew, then I wouldn’t stress, but the problem is, that I simply don’t know. Some things I know but I don’t know how to read the feelings or promptings. Other things I suspect because of how a situation happens. But all in all, I simply just don’t know perhaps 90% of what’s going to happen. This causes me to worry. I think that this is also why people don’t like surprises. I love surprises but I hate negative surprises. I hate bad things happening, especially when, had I known, I could have avoided them. That’s my biggest issue with not knowing is that, I could actually rectify the situation had I known. 

But this is where God comes in. When you have developed some form of personal relationship with God, you actually do begin to understand what faith really means. It doesn’t always mean that you will know what will happen, sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t. But it does teach you that, despite what happens, you have faith that God will carry you through and you will be fine. Now, I know that fine for God doesn’t always feel like fine for us humans. Fine for us humans usually means, well fed, clothed, having an abundance, enjoying life. It usually doesn’t constitute getting our head chopped off, boiled in oil, or murdered somehow. I know that is not something that we look forward to. This is also something that makes people fear God, because if we can do all we can to prevent this from happening, then we are better off without God who may or may not allow these things to happen. And all of that is still considering how Jesus said that we are better than the sparrows or the grass of the field. 

How is it, then, that sparrows do not fear, neither does the grass, and yes the birds are hunted by cats and larger predators and the grass of the field is cut down and cooked in the oven? I have wrestled with this for many years. And as I did I was allowed to see the state of humankind now. Humans, while trying to preserve their own lives have severely deteriorated it. Because we cannot control the unknown we try our best to mitigate against the evils that could befall us. So then we live stressed and anxious and… we die anyway. Sometimes by tragic accidents, sometimes by diseases, sometimes by aggression. Sometimes we are dismembered and still alive, sometimes we severely injure ourselves and then sometimes, almost nothing happens. So, is it better to live a stressed and anxious life or a carefree and fulfilled life?

This did not satisfy me but I understand better that things may or may not happen to me and it has just become the way of life. A bird does not fall from its nest without God knowing. Well then why didn’t God prevent the bird from falling in the first place? And what good is it to be companions with a God who cannot assure us protection? There are multiple reasons. 

One reason is that, this world is actually not our home. This is not the end but just the beginning. How do we know? Well we have the story of Jesus, who died and was resurrected. If you don’t want to believe that story, you have the testimony of nature itself, which is a constant reminder of the cycle of human life, now, with its seasons. And even in areas where the seasons aren’t nearly as influential, we see that some things remain in bloom while others die and are reborn. We are a part of nature are we not? We will live again, all of us. 

Another reason is that God can actually promise you protection. For example, God has promised me protection, and I have asked to be translated without seeing death. This is funny because, additionally, I have lost track of how many times I have begged God for death and it has not come. I don’t seek to be translated because I’m afraid of death, I seek it because it seems cool and I would like to experience it. But God has given me the promise of Psalms 91. I don’t know the full breadth of that promise but I know that a form of protection is granted if I desire, and I do desire it. But while I’m protected, I do have to suffer a lot due to my sensitive heart and my anguish from lack of understanding.

A third reason is, allowing God to teach you to have faith makes your life so, so relaxed and peaceful. THEY teach you to not have fear, to be confident, to be established and decided. When others are running around like chickens with their head cut off, you are calmed and can hear or see the way to go when God presents it to you. You are basically immortal and superpowered until God says so. And when God says so, you are not fearful, but at peace. Think John the Baptist, Stephen and the Apostles and even Jesus. Jesus knew that he would die, he wished there was another way but God comforted Him and even on the cross, He reached out to the thief. And then Jesus released His own Spirit. Jesus was very clear: “Thou couldest have no power at all against me: except it were given thee from above.

A fourth reason is… quite simply, you can literally just ask God to protect you from… whatever. You can ask God for ANYTHING! It may not come like you imagine it, but it IS highly likely it will come. There are a few exceptions and pursuing a relationship with God will illuminate those exceptions and they will make sense. But overall, nothing stops you from just asking God to help you find a job, or making this or that amount of money or even just not allowing you to die. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have indeed told God that I desire a job that pays well. And I know that I will get it. But in the time that I’m at now, homeless and jobless, I am actually quite well taken care of. I have a support system that God has helped me hone even though I have had to spend some time alone camping on top of a mountain, eating on just fruit and nuts and forced to contemplate my relationship with God. I never starved, I was protected from the rain and it was beautiful. No, I could not buy that expensive shirt that I wanted, nor could I travel the way I may have liked… at least not now. But if God has been showing me throughout my life to pay attention then, I know that I will indeed get those things that I desire. So, yeah, I can just ask for it, and just enjoy my life and when the opportunity presents itself, I make the move. Simple

After much fighting with God and much contemplation and many tears and a huge amount of frustration and very many years, I understand better. God will indeed keep me if I desire. I have learned to have faith in THEM and know that regardless of whether I’m homeless and penniless, I am kept in THEIR hands for eternity. I don’t particularly care for being homeless and penniless but I care less for not knowing God as much as I do now and more so later and for not being at peace and comforted. There was no voice that spoke to me, there was no direct promise that was made to me. It was all a learning process but now I understand more: it is better to live with our Creator and die in THEIR care than to try to prevent death or suffering without God.

As a closing thought I did want to explain that this does not at all mean to forgo health care or abolition of guns, or work health and safety and a positive work environment, or ceasing of war! That is not the lesson to be gleaned here in case someone’s mind wants to stray. Seeking to improve one’s life or environment is NEVER a bad thing as long as it isn’t done at the expense of someone else’s. I am simply talking about having faith in God. So, in whatever endeavor you find yourself indulged in, take God. Because if and when the situation becomes stressful and causes you to become anxious, remember, God will help you find a solution. And if no solution is to be found in your lifetime, remain confident that God will accompany you to your last day and you will see that fear and anxiety becomes a stranger to you.